Toward the end of December I began to suspicion that we were pregnant. I didn't know how that could be so I said nothing to Thomas and just kind of waited.
In January our church ladies' sewing group reorganizes and we vote in a new committee member. I was voted to take that position and agreed to it; but on second thought, I stopped by the Dollar General store and bought a pregnancy test.
Oh my! Those positive test lines turned pink so fast! Now what? I had lots of fear because I knew this either meant months of miserable pregnancy or else another loss. Of course, I dreaded the latter the most. After three losses I thought I just couldn't take ONE more.
The sewing committee position had to be turned down. Pregnancy really takes my energy away plus if it continued on to baby I knew I couldn't do both. It was distressing to me to have to inform people of my condition so early on but at my stage in life no one thinks twice that I might not be able to fulfill normal duties.
The distress came from hearing their excitement and not sharing in it. How could I be excited when any week might mean a loss? I finally came to the conclusion that it's okay to anticipate and it will be okay to be hurt again.
With so many people knowing my situation there were a lot of prayers covering me and the baby. My nutritionist has been "holding my hand" all along and keeping me pumped full of supplements. I still struggled/struggle with having enough energy to keep our house clean and food on the table.
The church sisters have been very gracious in the help they've extended to me. A meal brought in now and then. A pot of soup. My assignments for fellowship meals taken. Teaching Sunday school when it's my turn. A batch of granola. Or two. Help with church house cleaning. Washing my windows.
I'm sure I've missed something but oh my! They know how to make me feel loved and cared for. What I would do without the church we're a part of, I don't know.
Another good friend said she will raise garden produce for me this summer since I won't feel like bending over. I am so blessed to have such friends!
The boys have really stepped up to the plate as well. Helping more with cooking, cleaning and laundry than what they normally would. They've been getting their own breakfast. Even Thomas has perfected his egg frying skills.
People often ask, "What do the boys think about it? How do the boys feel about it?" They're excited. They were all so close together that they really don't have clear memories of babies. But here's a unique thing to have another sibling at their age.
They've been positive about it all along. When I was in doubt as to whether the pregnancy would continue, one of them would say, "This one will!"
Once when I was speaking of some event or situation in relation to the pregnancy, I said, "If this continues to baby". Melvin asked, "What else would it be? Tiger?"
Am I excited? I hardly know. I think about all the realities of the situation. Sleepless nights. Childhood illness. Child training. My age.
By the time this child is 14 Thomas and I will be 60 and Christopher our youngest will be 28. How's that for perspective??
But yes, I'm excited. This is God's doing and it is marvelous in our eyes. He will be (and has been!) with us every step of the way and He has a plan for this child!
Springtime and second trimester have given me back some energy. Life looks a lot brighter. Even though some days you would still see me in bed nearly all day.
Just this week we got our 20 week ultrasound done and they tell us we're having a .....
