Conversations

I love the way family conversations flow. While eating breakfast, we watched the cat meticulously wash himself right in the middle of the living room, limbs flowing this way and that, tongue first between his toes and then swiping his heels. Matthew says, "I do believe cats are made of liquid." Quoting Calvin (speaking of Hobbes).

Melvin gave the specs of a cheetah. A cheetah weighs only 120 lbs for all his size. He's built light, for speed. Then they discussed how a cheetah raced some fast car. And how it was possible to get a cheetah to race a car. (By having it chase a fake rabbit led away by a motor.)

I asked everyone's opinion of the overnight oats. (Which in reality was barley.) Everyone liked it. Until I asked Thomas. "Meh." Oh dear! He's the one I wish to please most. But this simple breakfast doesn't please him.

Melvin said he recently heard the advice that when a man gets married he should always take a second helping of the food. I confirmed that this is indeed the way I measured my success with a dish when we were first married. If Thomas sat back after one helping and looked bored I knew I shouldn't make that again.

"I am going to have to wait till I get to heaven to eat rice and cabbage," I remarked. They wanted to know what I'm talking about? It was a food the Laotian refugees ate when they lived with my family, and as a child I really liked it. 

I've tried a few times to serve it to my family but never with success. I described it- cooked cabbage, seasoned with bacon, soy sauce and brown sugar, served over rice.

Matthew said, "I would like it!" The others wondered how he can say that. He said there's no food he doesn't like since he's grown up. This opened a whole new can of worms. Do some people never grow up? 

This is one thing I am continually grateful for is uncomplaining eaters who will eat... soup! (Most of the men in our church complain about soup.) Well, if there's any meal that is frugal it is soup. 

One mother made a remark to me at a fellowship meal that my children are probably partial to my cooking at a meal like that. (This is how most of the church children are. "Where is the food Mom made?") I said, "No, I cook simply enough that they are only glad to eat other things at church functions."

Now don't get me wrong. I enjoy making "good food". But we don't have exotic dishes or only certain foods because they are picky eaters. It just doesn't work that way at our house. We try a variety of cuisines and new recipes. So there is nothing to fear at a church dinner.

Today is a snow day. (Except it's an ice day.) We were discussing yesterday how homeschoolers never get snow days. Christopher didn't even know what a "snow day" is. 

The boys usually go to school for music class on Wednesday so Melvin said, "We DO get a snow day today, even if we're homeschoolers!" (Because the ice keeps them from going to school for music class.)

It is actually a snow day for the schools, too. The ice continues to build up on all the surfaces, making white beauty out of the brown landscape. Melvin took some pictures for me. He was out taking care of the animals and came in saying, "There are some nice pictures out there!"

He said he was standing there photographing this standing clump of grass when it suddenly decided it had had enough and gave up the fight. Down it went. Maybe it was embarrassed at being photographed?

Today I am thankful for...
...the beauty in nature.
...books to read.
...soup!

Depression?

What is that propels you from your bed in the morning? The weight of what to feed my family for the day can keep me in mine. I know the opposite should be true.

I should be out early like the robins looking for the food. But somehow my brain doesn't function like that. It tells me things like, You didn't get meat from the freezer last night. It will take too long to make pancakes, and you'll make the men late for work. There are no leftovers and what, oh what, will I pack in their lunches?

Isn't it pleasant to awake to such thoughts? Lately I've been contemplating how awesome it would be to not be needed. I would be able to sleep as long as I wanted and maybe one day wake up refreshed.

Then I realize there are people who wish someone would need them. It's too distant a thought for me to comprehend at this stage of my life. 

When the boys were all little, an older friend told me, "Marie, it doesn't get any better." I looked at her in disbelief. You mean this is for life? I understand her statement now.

It does get better in the sense that babies aren't sucking the life out of you, literally, physically. Sleepless nights, belly full of unborn child, crying babies, dirty diapers, etc. 

But life gets full in another way. Helping children learn life lessons. Orchestrating all their interests. Inspiring them to want the most out of life. Making sure they learn that life is hard work.

Then there's the never ending laundry. Food, always food. Cleaning and cleaning. How can grownups make such a mess? I thought children were the mess makers.

Not so long ago, another friend said, of having married children, "Marie, life doesn't get any easier!" Oh no! So what is in store for me? Just never ending weariness?

Interestingly the former friend is now an "empty nester" and she told me that she has now come through a time of wondering what she's here for. So that tells me there is rest ahead. 

Rest... and maybe with it comes confusion? What is my purpose now that my children no longer need me? I've really had a struggle this week with a similar thing but I'll save all that for another day.

Somehow I just feel like writing about real life right now. Getting it out of my system. If it helps someone else to read about real life, you're welcome. Otherwise, just move on with yours. It's okay. This is my space.

Today we had the monthly sisters' sewing day at church. (Seems I've written about that a good bit recently.) We normally have a short time of devotional during the day and we're currently studying the book, Lies Women Believe by Nancy Leigh DeMoss.

The lie we looked at today was about emotions, "The answer to depression must first be sought in medication and/or psychotherapy." (Remember, that is a lie!)

Many (most) times depression is the fruit of unresolved heart issues. Stemming from ingratitude, unresolved conflict, irresponsibility, guilt, bitterness, unforgiveness, unbelief, claiming of rights, anger and self-centeredness. That's quite a list.

So if my slate has been cleaned of all the above, then I can claim that my depression is a medical situation. (Granted I may get to a point when I need medication because I have allowed these issues in my life for so long that it does affect me physically.)

I was just impressed again by how Jesus is literally the answer for all our needs. He works through His Spirit, His Word and those around us, to help us see ourselves as we are. 

My tendency is to talk to others about the pain. Blame my problem on this or that. Eat. Sleep. Watch videos. Read mail. Read a book. Anything but going to the Lord.

Prayer. More prayer. Honest, gut wrenching prayer. Forgiveness that goes way deep inside and clears the slate of all pain. That takes prayer. Prayer that brings tears. Tears of repentance. Prayer shows me my sin.

Prayer isn't telling God what I want. It is listening to His evaluation of me and agreeing with it. Allowing His truth to take root in my heart and bring forth fruit for Him. Fruit like PEACE. And JOY. And LOVE. 

When my prayer is deep and heart cleansing, showing me my sin, my only response can be gratitude. How can Jesus love me so much that He is willing to love me in spite of my sin? 

This gratitude brings with it a compassion for others and a realization of the utter depravity that settles on all of us as humankind. I can never be better than you and God's love brings us all on the same level.

Lie on left, truth is right 😊

More about the day...

Thomas and Matthew are installing doors in Virginia today. Austin is alone on the job they started yesterday, finishing drywall. 

Melvin and Christopher were with me today. Well, they were at the same place, as in, the property, but they were not sewing. They played with their homeschooled friends while school was in session and they all joined their traditionally schooled friends during recess. Christopher also read a book.

Now they're taking care of all the chores around the place. Food and water for the creatures. Wood in the wood box. Milk the cow. Strain the milk.

It's a cold, gray day. This winter is a teaser kind. One week I'm thinking quite seriously about gardening and the next I'm standing next to the fire, shivering. 

The south has gotten more snow than we have this winter. We get enough to make the ground white and that's about it. Sunday it snowed beautifully and then rained on top of it.

Currently the world looks mostly brown. Brown tree trunks. Brown grass. Not a whole lot of beauty. 

But we have had a good amount of color in the morning and evening skies! That is exhilarating. 

A picture doesn't do justice to a sunrise!

Today I am thankful for...
...Jesus.
...the local general store (where I could pick up feed for the hungry chickens).
...the beauty of relationships.

Life

When writing is what one does in one's head daily and with one's hand quite a lot less, sitting down to do it with one's hand is like pricking a squishy balloon. All you hear is a long sigh....

What to write first? 

So I will write about my day and make the doldrums as interesting as I can.

I awoke this morning to the same throbbing head that gave me a less than desirable Sunday and a very restless night. It doesn't help the throbbing any to know that these men of mine need breakfast and a packed lunch.

A pack of waffles in the freezer is available for just such a time as this. Saturday was spent getting some easy freezer breakfast meals done. So they toasted waffles to be eaten with butter or peanut butter (the first choice of most), maple syrup and peaches or fried eggs, if they so desired. 

Leftover chicken tortilla soup, some cheese slices and apples made lunch for the men- Thomas, Austin and Matthew. They all took care of themselves while I sat huddled on the couch with my feet tucked up under my skirt (because I did manage to get dressed as far as that).

I had nothing to eat since lunch yesterday and food still repulsed me. I slowly drank two glasses of water. That helped me feel a bit better. So I downed some calcium with a small glass of milk, hoping that would take care of that aching head.

After resting awhile longer with no relief, I decided to take a couple more Ibuprofen to add to the hundreds my body has dealt with over the last few decades, including the two I consumed yesterday. Then I worry about damaging my liver. And I eat a couple of waffles and drink a small cup of coffee, wondering if that might also damage my liver.

Why do I "worry" about my liver? Well, there IS a glob-by feel in the right side of my abdomen. It just never quite goes away. So I speculate many times about what it is. Sometimes it seems like an internal hernia. 

I don't really worry but my brain tells me maybe I should research how to do a liver cleanse and see if I think it seems doable. Instead I just rest and let the drug and caffeine take my headache away.

Then I read awhile and decide it is really high time to do some writing. It really can't take second seat any longer. The windows will be dirty one more day. The apples must wait. The laundry, oh we'll still get some of it done. Besides I feel like a whipped puppy. 

To be honest I don't know exactly how that feels. The feeling comes from drugs. You know, that Ibuprofen I spoke of earlier. It leaves one feeling lethargic but painless. Alive enough to write but hardly able to do laundry.

Yesterday I wasn't sure if I was getting the flu bug or a migraine. Today I'm concluding it was a migraine. Because of the cold hands and feet, hot head and nausea.

Enough about me. 

Stephen is in Honduras with my brother Paul's family. He left here Saturday a week ago at 1:30 AM. The group he went with flew out of Dulles at 6:20 AM. Nine energetic people from our church went down to conduct a Bible school in the town of Cuyamel.

Only one of the group could speak Spanish. My brother's family met them at the airport and stayed with them for the week to help with interpreting. Most of the group came back Saturday and they report a hectic, enjoyable week with lots of children (80-200) and lots of rain (washing away roads and causing landslides).

On Saturday Stephen, and my niece Sylvia who also went with the group, headed back with Pauls to their home in the mountains, 8-9 hours away. We hear nothing from them so we assume no news is good news. They plan to return home on the 13th.

Thomas, Austin and Matthew are working on a drywall finishing job today. Something that Thomas and Austin enjoy and Matthew does not. He says, "HOW can someone enjoy mudding?!" It is interesting to see the boys' talents and interests develop. 

Thomas has been working a lot for a garage door installer. It is the kind of work he enjoys, repetitive and yet needing a certain amount of precision. Matthew enjoys it also but it isn't creative enough for Austin's nature.

Thomas says everyone on the door job hates one certain thing that needs to be done at the end, though, except for Austin. He just jumps in there, does it with excellence and enjoys it.

Melvin and Christopher cleaned up the kitchen around 11 AM, eating a bit more as they did so. Then they created with LEGO's for a few hours. After spending some time reading, they headed out to work on their log cabin in the woods. 

It is now 3:30 and none of us have eaten lunch. We will probably snack a little if we need something before supper. My nephews and niece are coming for supper and the evening. Sixteen yr old boy, three yr old boy and six year old girl.

Chicken chili is on the menu and they are bringing a few eats also. There are corn muffins in the freezer if we need more food.

There now. It helps to write about it. To be continued....

Today I am thankful for...
...Ibuprofen (of course!).
...smart phones (with Kindle books).
...eggs (from our very own chickens!).

Here's the book I am currently reading on Kindle.

Waldorf Salad Recipe

You will need:
7-10 Yellow Delicious apples, unpeeled
1 cup raisins (or more)
1/2-1 cup med pecan pieces
2 stalks (or ribs? What do you call it?) celery
1 cup mayonnaise

Dice the apples and finely dice the celery. Add the raisins, pecans and mayo. Serve immediately or within a couple of hours if you like chewy raisins. If you don't mind squishy raisins serve anytime, within a day. (My hubby does not like squishy raisins!) 

I don't have a written recipe and usually just dump things together so if you find these proportions are not to your liking, adjust them! I figure on at least one apple per person and then some because our family loves this salad. And some of us don't mind, and in fact, really like, leftovers.

So you don't like mayo? Maybe you will. I never cared for mayo in apple salad and was shocked when informed that it is the sole dressing in this delicious salad.

Today I am thankful for...
...apples.
...a clean pantry.
...rain.

Weekly menu (Sugar free, Wheat free)

The weekly menu begins on a Wednesday. That way I can go shopping midweek. It's probably just a mind thing but it helps me.

We do eat lunch but it's normally leftovers. I try to make enough in the evening to have some for the next day.

On my planning sheet there is one more row of boxes on the right where I fill in any activities that are planned.

If you have questions about how this menu can be sugar free and wheat free, I am happy to answer.

Amanda from The Fundamental Home has helped me tremendously in knowing how to shop frugally. Maybe it will help you too?

	Breakfast	Lunch	Dinner
Wednesday	Rice, scrambled eggs, sausage gravy casserole Blueberry muffins		Chicken tortilla soup
Thursday	Scrambled eggs Oatmeal		Chili soup Cornbread
Friday	Omelet roll Yogurt		Lentil stew Fruit jello salad
Saturday	Scrambled eggs with sausage Yogurt		Stromboli Rhubarb crunch
Sunday	Baked oatmeal Peaches	Chicken Alfredo Rice Corn Corn chip salad	Nachos
Monday	Waffles Sausage gravy, PB & syrup Yogurt		Zucchini lasagna Carrots Waldorf salad
Tuesday	Egg, sausage, biscuit Yogurt		Mashed potatoes Beets Green salad

Today I am thankful for...
...warm weather.
...family.
...water.

Day by Day

Give us day by day our daily bread. Luke 11:3

This verse caught my attention. The Lord's Prayer that nearly everyone recites says, Give us this day our daily bread. (Matthew 6:11)

This one was different.

Day by day, it said. 

Do you, like me, look at the future instead of today? Tomorrow? Next week? Next month? Next year?

This week I was encouraged, as day by day the Lord gave strength for what seemed to be impossibilities.

I shared with my church sisters on Tuesday how I was failing to find the grace of God real in my situation. I want to think I would be strong in the face of persecution but I was not finding God in my life now.

The response was encouraging as they prayed for me in the moment. Even more than that they assured me of their prayers as I went on with life.

I hadn't wanted to attend the monthly Sister's sewing day. But having a food assignment forced me to go. That was when I shared my need and just spending the day there, sewing for the needy was refreshing. Getting my mind off myself.

Then different ones shared encouraging verses or devotionals with me throughout the week along with repeated reminders of their prayers.

My own devotionals were speaking to my heart, telling me to relax in God's control, being anxious for nothing.

Friday as I drove the boys to school for P.E., the rain was coming down but in the distance we could see sunshine. Then we drove out of the rain and almost into a rainbow. It intensified in color and became a full arch and even began to repeat itself before fading away.

It felt like Almighty God was giving me a big hug. He was so near and real in all that beauty.

Another reminder of His care came in the form of honey and maple syrup. Stephen brought some home as a gift from his workplace. 

My sister gave me a jug of honey for my birthday in December. When that was gone some friends gave us a quart of honey. That was nearly gone when this appeared.

We use only natural sweeteners so this has been a huge blessing. If you use natural sweeteners, you know that they are not cheap. I've been working hard to whittle our budget down and it feels like God is blessing that effort.

My friend offered to make my food for the church dinner today and then she sent the leftovers home with me. 

Another friend sent a pan of meatballs over yesterday.

♪♪"Day by day and with each passing moment,
Strength I find to meet my trials here...."♪♪

These are words from a song we sang last Sunday (the 7th) and this truth has become very real to me this past week.

The Lord blesses day by day; with grace... and with food.

Today I am thankful for...
...God's grace.
...the prayers of saints.
...little things.

Hearts of Fire (Book Review)

My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. 2 Corinthians 12:9

“The blood of Jesus is all powerful”. As Adel was forced from her home and abused by jihad soldiers, she repeatedly shouted these words. Her captors seemed surprised that she did not perish from their repeated attacks on her.

After many weeks of torture, labor and a forced marriage to her captor, she crumpled in despair and was ready to kill her unborn child. Her young daughter who was held captive with her, saw the knife pressed to her womb and forced her to stop.

Adel realized that her hatred of her captors had blocked the healing power of God's love. She confessed her hatred to God and begged forgiveness. Healing began to work in her soul.

Read to find out how she was rescued from her captors.

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Purnima as a thirteen year old girl is strong in her faith through many trials. As a fifteen year old, banished from home and country, she stood firm in her faith. Prayer and singing with her Christian friends in captivity kept her strong for many days of torturous interrogations.

“Losing herself in the presence of Christ helped her immensely as she prayed for God to forgive her tormentors and give her strength for whatever came next.”

Long imprisonment nearly brought her to despair. But the Lord was faithful in showing her what was important and she became His witness in the prison.

“Although she didn't know what the future would hold, Purnima resolved to face it bravely. She recognized her weaknesses but refused to let them imprison her. She would rise to the challenge and leave the rest to God, just as Moses (her biblical hero) had done.”

What does God have in store for Purnima?

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Sabina remains faithful to God and her husband through long years of abuse, imprisonment and separation from family. For years she heard nothing from her husband who was also imprisoned.

She was tempted by church and state to marry someone else but God helped her to stand firm. She was overjoyed when her husband was released.

Read about how they continue to face persecution and how God gives them deliverance.

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Gladys, a missionary to India, chooses forgiveness toward those who brutally murder her husband and young sons. She becomes a voice of forgiveness in the world, though public speaking had at one time terrified her.

Read the entire story.

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These are a few stories from this book that I received as a complimentary copy. It is written by The Voice of the Martyrs. You can find it on Amazon. Or if you've received an offer for a free copy, take it.

Read eight stories of faithful women who stand firm through suffering. In China, Indonesia, Bhutan, Russia, Romania, Pakistan, India and Vietnam their hearts are ablaze for Jesus.

Though these women face fear, anger, pain and great hardship, their commitment to Jesus is strong. He helps them through every situation. When we are weak, He is strong.

He has promised to never leave us nor forsake us. (Hebrews 1:5) He said to expect to suffer for His sake and promised to give words when they're needed. (Luke 21:12-15)

Reading about suffering is difficult for me. The confirmation that God's grace is sufficient through the suffering is what encourages me.